Without Hope
by lilkawa
Summary: Anne's thoughts on seeing Frederick again, again...


Persuasion doesn't belong to me

Without Hope

Anne Elliot couldn't believe it. Admiral and Mrs. Croft were going to live in their home. Frederick's sister and her husband. She didn't know them, had never met them but what if Frederick had told them about her and how she had refused him. 'How was she to face them?'

Suddenly Anne was all for the idea of Bath. She hated the place to sure; she never wanted to leave Kellynch Hall, but being near Frederick's kin she wasn't sure she could be composed enough.

She went to her room, to be by herself. She needed some time alone. She needed time to digest the thought of possibly seeing Frederick Wentworth again. She sat on her bed and thought of Frederick and how she had loved him. She had loved him so much, much more than he could ever know, or even believe. And why should he believe her, she had broken off the engagement.

Anne didn't regret breaking off the engagement, the reasons had made sense. She had been young and Frederick had been young and without prospects or a future. She only wished she had broken it off better, explained more, been clearer. Now she was older and still unmarried.

Well it was too late now, all that had happened eight years ago.

Eight years ago.

He surely must be married now, have a nice pretty wife with children. She wondered what they looked like, the children.

She had kept track of his progress and knew that he had done very well for himself. He was now a Captain, and rich into the bargain.

She wondered if he ever thought of her, how she was doing. I doubt it, the man is doing very well why remind himself of unhappier, worse times. No, I don't think he ever thinks of me at all.

Frederick Wentworth arrived a few days after his sister and her husband and his arrival caused quite a stir at the Great House. Henrietta and Louisa Musgrove had never seen such a handsome man; he was well behaved, spoke well and was single. He was also interested in them; he danced and laughed with them and had lived an adventurous, interesting life.

Anne had been surprised to discover that Frederick was still not married. And for a few moments she allowed herself to imagine that he had been waiting for her, hoping she would still love him even after all these years and her cruel rejection of him. Maybe he had been hoping against hope like she had that they could find happiness together once again.

Not likely.

He began to spend almost every waking moment with Louisa Musgrove, or so it seemed to her and Anne knew that she had been fanciful. He wasn't pining for her; he had just been too busy working to meet a nice girl, now he was ready to settle down.

Louisa Musgrove fitted the bill very well, she was single, of the right age, well educated and willing.

Anne was walking with Mary and Charles one afternoon.

"Captain Wentworth wasn't very gallant towards you," Mary informed Anne smugly "he said you had changed so much, he wouldn't have known you again."

Anne didn't reply, what could she say to that?

Later that evening she pondered those words. Of course, he wouldn't have known her; she had altered for the worse. Anne knew that she had never been a great beauty even when they were young, Elizabeth was the beautiful one. Now as the years had progressed, she had become more worn, more tired. Yes, she could believe that in her altered state, Frederick wouldn't recognize her as the young girl who had claimed his heart.

Time had been kinder to him, like it was to many men, he looked better with age and he wore it well.

Anne cried herself to sleep like she had for many nights. Why am I even crying, she asked herself, I had my chance with him and I threw it away. Now he gets to make his own choice, if its Louisa then I will wish them well.

I should have gone to Bath when I had the chance then I would have been spared all this.

Maybe I can leave tomorrow.

In the morning Anne discovered that they'd all been invited to Lyme.

"Surely, you can't let me go by myself, with only Louisa and Henrietta for company," Mary begged Anne.

Anne had been so determined never to see Frederick again but to see the water; she would see the water even if it meant enduring Frederick and Louisa's happiness.

Now that I have seen him again I can move on, she told herself, I will move on.

It's been too long, eight years; I will move on and be happy without him.

**Wonder whether to stop or continue**

**Reviews are highly appreciated.**


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